Don’t Go In The Woods (1981)

(aka Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone!, The Forest 2)

Director: James Bryan

Starring: Nick McClelland, James P. Hayden, Mary Gail Artz, Tom Drury

James Bryan’s Don’t Go In The Woods was caught up in the video nasty fiasco in the UK and it’s such a disjointed, ineffective affair that it’s really hard to see what the stink was all about. It’s even harder to understand just why Code Red decided that it needed the deluxe treatment it has received, but I guess we should never complain about bad low budget horror films being given a second chance, especially on a grand scale.

Don’t Go In The Woods tell the story of four unsuspecting campers who take a hike in the woods, little do they know that there is a maniac that lives there, and he ain’t happy. Now, I could stop here, and I probably should because there really isn’t much more to the story than this. Really. And it’s not long before we have to witness one unsatisfying massacre after another before this boring movie comes to a close.

While the group of campers try and make it to a cabin in the woods elsewhere a bird watcher dressed in stereotypical (for the early 1900′s maybe) bird watcher garb sudden looses a couple of limbs. The slicing and dicing happens from off camera and far to fast for us to actually witness anything except the poor dudes arms flying off, with blood spraying in their wake.

All the while the campers are being lectured on the ways to survive in the woods by an obvious experienced camper (okay, so the script writer just wanted to get in some knowledge of camping, because it sounds like it comes straight out of a Campers 101 book) and one of his pieces of advice is… “Never, never go in the woods alone”. Okay, so here is one of my gripes with the movie, because “alone” even got added to the title in some territories… most of the people that die in this movie don’t go in the wood alone, they are accompanied by one or more people. So if we are going to take that piece of advice literally, it is the worst piece of advice imaginable, you probably stand more chance of surviving if you are alone.

A pretty annoying couple who are obviously all American tourists checking out the woods are only on screen for a few short seconds before they are dispatched – thankfully. The husband decides to climb some rocks, but the maniac pulls him down where by he falls to his death. The wife gets massacred hacked and slashed. It’s at this point we realize that this is going to be a seriously depressing and unsatisfying movie. Everything happens in such a fashion that we see the murders, but we may as well not. We don’t witness the perpetrator, it’s just blood flying and/or limbs. It’s like a seriously pathetic example of Dario Argento playing the gloved hands of the murder in his classic giallo movies. But Argento does that for a reason, he knows how the hands should move. In “Don’t Go..” it’s just stupid. It makes the movie look even cheaper than it is, and it makes for such a disjointed affair that when the maniac does make a physical appearance, the poor editing of the separate elements – the maniac and the killing – make it look like the maniac could have been in a completely different movie.

In the local town the Bird watcher has been reported missing so the police decide to investigate by taking a plane over the location, I’m not sure really what they expect to see from a plane as it’s pretty high up and there are trees everywhere! They obviously don’t see anything and decided to give it a few more days before doing much more, but since the bird watcher has only been missing for several hours it’s not surprising at all.

Over the past night the campers have been telling each other scary stories to set the mood, and a couple of love birds in a camper van have been slaughtered. Dick after taking a stroll in the dark to look for a peeping tom, and his wife/girlfriend after being rolled down a hillside in their camper van that bursts into flames at the bottom – you can still here her scream well after the camper is engulfed in flames.

Even though Return of the Jedi wasn’t made for another couple years, the maniac (Tom Drury) looks like an over-sized Ewok, dressed in rags and beads, and is probably enough hair for a couple Ewoks. The acting is nothing to speak about. Lots of growling and other such feral noises, lumbering around and poking sticks at the camera. He might not have been given any lines, but surely more could have been done with this but the fault here lies in the script and direction. This jungle bunny obviously doesn’t like his territory invaded, but I have to wonder, why now? Surely campers and hikers have been wandering in those woods for years, decades even. But then, that’s a flaw that isn’t unusual in these types of Slasher movies.

Shamefully, the film even tries to inject some humor. This humor falls flat on its face. A girl roller skating in the woods, rolls into a cop, and then shakily down the rest of the hill only to fall into the bushes – or something. Then a guy in a wheelchair who is – hiking? – falls over after struggling to make it up some hills. To top it all off, when the wheelchair bound guy makes it to the top of the mountain his head is poorly sliced off just as he’s enjoying the view. Evil Dead 2 this isn’t…

At this point there is barely any point in getting back to the campers, there has been no characterization throughout the movie, and the murders aren’t anything to speak about either – blood does not make an interesting murder – so what is there? I’m not really sure… but if you like scenery just sit back and look at the back drop of Lambs Canyon in Utah. It’s actually pretty nice looking. Just remember not to go there alone… or is that as a group… maybe it should be Don’t Go In The Woods Without Protection – I’ll leave it up to you what kind of protection.

Code Red should be commended to taking the trouble with this poor excuse for a film. The print actually looks pretty good, it having been taken from the original negatives. There are a boat load of extras, and it’s obvious James Bryan is thrilled someone is interested in his movie because he provides a couple different commentaries. Still this is probably only worth picking up if you are a fan of this era of horror cinema, or slasher movies.